According to MyDays, my period tracking app, I should be starting my period today. Usually my app is pretty spot on, but I am hoping that it is wrong. I am hoping that it doesn’t come at all and I am pregnant.
Last month I was disappointed, even though we hadn’t really tried to conceive- we just hadn’t tried not to. This month we had tried several times the week I was ovulating, but we didn’t go crazy.
All day long I have been trying to interpret the way my body feels. It seems the signs are pointing to not pregnant, although I keep telling myself, hey, maybe I am pregnant after all. Yesterday I was extremely emotional. I felt like I was going to cry all day, without explanation. I had a migraine, which often accompanies the beginning of my period, although I did still have migraines during pregnancy. Today I had felt fine all day, but as I was sitting in a meeting earlier I began to feel a cramping sensation.
It’s probably just PMS.
I just hate the wait; I hate the not knowing. At the same time I want to hold on to the moment, knowing it is still a possibility, rather than knowing the result is negative. As the day goes on I am trying to be hopeful, but also, as a realist, allow myself to accept that it may not happen this month.
Either way, it will be fine. Life goes on. I have my baby, and I enjoy every second of time with her. If it doesn’t happen this month there are more months ahead. Who knows what time will bring.