Bittersweet Breastfeeding


I love nursing my daughter.  Once we got it all figured out it has been our special time together each day.
It used to be that she would want to hold my free hand while she nursed.  It was so sweet.  Now she can barely keep still and is often trying to wiggle into odd positions, once almost doing a handstand. Abby is such an active girl sometimes it is the only time she she is still except for sleep.  Everything is a distraction: my husband making a noise in the other room, a voice or music on TV, toys on the floor. 
I started thinking about plans for her first birthday party and was struck by how big she is getting.  Time seems to have passed so quickly. 
I’m happy that I have been able to breastfeed her for so long.  It hasn’t always been easy or convenient.  There have been times when it was painful and akward.  I have wanted to give up.  I am happy to have been able to breastfeed; I know some women aren’t able to.  Since Abby has been born I have had a lot of support from my family and at work.  Without that support, I don’t know that I would have stuck to it.
I am not one of those judgemental moms who will side eye you for using formula; no judgement here.  I know there are many reasons why breastfeeding may not be an option for other women and babies.  To me it only matters that a baby is getting fed and loved.
Now that she’s getting older it makes me sad that this special time is almost over and we’ll never have it back again.  She may be getting bigger, but she’ll always be my baby.

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