Art and Self-Doubt

In my city, the local Arts Council sponsors an Art Walk every Spring, Summer, Fall, and Winter.  In recent years the Walks have been gaining popularity The Arts Council and other businesses downtown display artwork for two days and visitors can go to each location to view artwork or listen to live music.  There are participants of all ages and all types of media.

I wanted to participate in last year’s Fall Art Walk but it didn’t work out.  I was, however, able to reserve a small gallery space for this next Fall’s Art Walk.

 

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This both excites me and terrifies me.

Really, I am scared shitless.  So many thoughts have been swirling in my head and I keep second-guessing myself each day.  I second-guess my decision to participate, my skills, the quality of my work, and so much more.

Is this a bad idea?

Do I really have any talent?

Am I good enough?

Will I have enough work to display?

Am I being too critical of myself?

Will I be laughed at?

Is this a waste of time?

Will this be a positive experience or will I just be humiliated?

Do I really want to do this?

Have all the people who have ever said, “Oh, I love that painting,” or, “Your collages are awesome,” or “You are so good,” only complimenting me so that they wouldn’t hurt my feelings?  Do I make “art?” or am I just a “crafter?”

Will this be a positive experience or will I just be humiliated?

For as long as I remember I have had a passion for art.  I’ve never admitted it openly before, but I’ve always felt deep inside that I am meant to create things, not to sit in an office cubicle all day.

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Now, I know I’m not delusional, I know I am no Van Gough or Monet; I’ve walked through museums full of the most incredible art in the world.

I don’t want to just be someone who tinkers around with paints in my basement, collecting mediocre canvases that Goodwill won’t want and my children will throw away when I die.  I want to pursue art as a profession.

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I know the step forward is to display my work and gain exposure, I can’t begin to fulfill my dream if I don’t… but having my work viewed and critiqued by hundreds of people is a daunting prospect.

I know I must take this giant leap, but at the same time I am so nervous and anxiety riddled that it feels like an impossible scenario.

 

Sarah

 

 

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